Son of a Monkey
by Preventer Squall
Summary: AU. The Sanadime Hokage writes an edict of adoption, and takes Naruto in as his own. The world is forever changed as the boy strives to live up to the Sarutobi name. Possibly NaruIno. PG13 for ninja violence and swearing.
1. Prologue

That's right, folks! Preventer Squall is back with a vengeance. This started out as a fic challenge that was started by Kraken's Ghost, but I like the idea I came up with, and wanted to see if anyone else thought the same. I still intend to work on _Beauty of the Beasts_, so for the handful of fans it has shouldn't be distressed. I have a whole slew of projects in the works, so I suggest you keep an eye on me.

At the moment, there isn't much in the way of pairings, though I may make it a Naru/Ino fic, though other pairings will be listened to be reviewers. Ya hear me? Be sure to review!

Oh yeah, before I foget. -coughs and reads from the script- I, Preventer Squall, do not own Naruto, or its characters therein. If I did, I would have had Sasuke eaten alive by highly irritated gerbils. But I digress…

On with the show!

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"Blah" Normal Speak

"_Blah"_ Thought Speak, Letters

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**Preventer Squall presents:**

_**Son of a Monkey**_

"_Take care of my son for me, oji-san."_

Sarutobi couldn't restrain the sigh that escaped his lips as he replayed those words over and over again in his mind. It was the first time Arashi ever called him that, having been a stickler for bearing proper respect to his predecessor. Even after the Third Hokage officially retired from the position, that boy would always speak with a great deal of reverence that one would have for one's senior. Time and again, Sarutobi had all but ordered him to speak to him as if he were an equal. They were both men who had earned the Kage rank, and damned if that blonde-haired twit would at least talk like it.

But that changed the night the Kyuubi came to the gates of Konohagakure. Plan after plan to stop the beast was concocted and eventually tossed aside as the greatest tactical minds of the day tried to exploit some weakness in the seemingly unstoppable beast.

When all seemed lost, it was the newly appointed Hokage, whose face was still being chiseled into the cliff side monument, who had hatched a scheme so insanely dangerous and suicidal that only Kazama Arashi could have come up with it. And after summoning Gamabunta and preparing to face off against the deranged kitsune, with a child held in one arm and a scroll in the other, he flashed the old man a lopsided grin and spoke.

"Take care of my son for me, oji-san."

And with that, he mounted the gigantic toad and they sprang into the final confrontation with the greatest threat in Konoha history. It was that request which kept the former Hokage from trying to take Arashi's place on the chopping block, though the fact that he'd been paralyzed by the same grinning bastard cemented his decision all the more.

Dragging himself from the freshly crafted memories, he looked down at the small child that he held in the crux of his arm, silently wishing he could sleep as peacefully as the child currently was. His other hand would have been holding the boy a little more securely, but the fact was that he was using that hand to try and pen out an edict after his unpleasantly short reprieve from this abhorrent office. Unfortunately, the amalgamation of these details was currently giving him an irritating case of writer's block.

How does one properly write out an edict of silence about the demon that was sealed into a child's stomach? There wasn't a word in that sentence that didn't make his stomach churn in disgust. Everything about it was wrong, and he had the unfortunate task of trying to find a way to make it sound right.

Another sigh followed suit before he turned his attention to the slumbering blonde. "You wouldn't have any ideas, would you?" he knew the inquiry was as rhetorical as they came, but part of him still clung to the hope that someone could help him find a way of making this bearable. If not this poor boy, whose life he knew he was invariably condemning, then who?

Almost as if the gods heard his plight, the doors to his office suddenly swung open and Sarutobi Asuma practically stormed inside, tossing aside his fellow chuunin as though he was a piece of straw on his shoulder. "I heard them mention the Third Hokage, and I just had to see if they actually dragged you back into this chair." he almost growled out those words, shifting his glare back at the shinobi he had launched as the cowering man shut the doors to allow them a measure of privacy. Asuma's head quickly snapped back to his father, his glare lessened but there all the same.

The old man nodded slightly, setting the pen down and leaned back in the plush chair as he watched his eldest son rant. "I couldn't very well say no after what's happened." he held up a hand to silence his son as Asuma opened his mouth for another verbal salvo. "I don't intend to make this a permanent measure, but they need someone with leadership experience and a face that puts the people at ease. Regardless of my feelings in the matter, I meet those requirements." the old Kage stated in his best diplomatic tone, hoping it would put his well-meaning son at ease. And in case it didn't, it was time to put that boy to use. "And since you're here, I'd like your help on something. I'm afraid I've been out of this office too long to come up with a declaration on the fly anymore." he mused with a chuckle, which grew even louder as his son grumbled and put a hand through his hair.

He loved his father dearly, but this was enough to drive a man to smoke. "What kind of declaration?"

"It's about the Kyuubi, and how to protect the future of our people." the Third started to rub his chin after several moments of silence, both of them aware he was skirting around the subject of the piece of paper. But before the young chuunin could say anything, the room was suddenly engulfed in an ear splitting wail. From the look of it, even the kid in the elder Sarutobi's arms disliked the name of that demon.

"_Wait..a kid?"_ Asuma blinked and leaned over the table to see the boy that his father was trying to coax back into slumber. It had to be a newborn, just from the size of it, though he couldn't tell the gender of it because of the swaddling cloth it was wrapped in. He did notice how its head had a full head of bright yellow hair, and almost commented on how this struck a strange chord of familiarity with the young man. That was, of course, he saw the bizarre looking streaks on its cheeks, bearing an eerie resemblance to whiskers. As far as he knew, there wasn't a family that had marks as distinctive as that. "Whose kid?" was all he could muster to ask after the wailing died down, making a mental note to keep from saying that bastard fox's name for awhile. Not that he'd complain, of course.

Sarutobi let a bemused smile appear on his lips as he turned his attention to the blonde parcel he had in hand. "He's the son of a man that once saved my life. His father died in the Kyuubi's attack." he said absently, the name of the beast causing the child to squirm in his sleep and grimace as best a baby can.

"What about his mom?" he couldn't fight back the words that were practically biting at the tip of his tongue. Asuma was sure that he already knew the answer, but that didn't mean he couldn't at least ask the question. The sight of his father grimacing and shaking his head told him more then enough. _"Must not have any relatives either, since that would be too much good fortune for such a small creature_._"_ The chuunin was silent for several minutes as he tried to come up with something of use, letting out an irritated sigh as he came up with next to nothing. "There's always adoption."

The reaction was surprising to say the least. The old Hokage's eyes narrowed as his lips pulled into a deep grimace, causing the wrinkles to furrow even further in order to add the illusion of several more years to his face. "I don't think anyone would want this child, regardless of his parentage." he grumbled in irritation, pen set down on the blank page as he focused all his attention on the boy. It was unfair to shoulder so much responsibility on something so small. As much as he hated to admit it, this decree would do nothing to keep the boy from being ostracized by his elders, and possibly by his peers too. He didn't want to admit that he was ignoring Asuma's assurances as he glanced at the ceiling, wondering if he could recall exactly on that icy cold roof where he and the Fourth performed the birthing process with an irate and un-drugged woman. "_I never though I'd live long enough to see Arashi blush like that. She swore like an incensed sailor, even with a kunai in her mouth."_ The line of thought almost caused a smile to appear on his lips, but was soon squelched as several thoughts suddenly decided to make themselves noticed.

The roof was where he was born, not the hospital.

No one else was there besides the three of them.

No real witnesses to any of it.

A smirk slowly replaced the grimace, his eyes glinting in a fashion that told his son he had been struck by a masterwork of genius. "Hold the boy for me awhile." he handed the slumbering infant to the very confused chuunin, picking up his pen before he began to write. Years upon years of cunning and skill went into his words as he wrote them down on the parchment, the hour stretching to two, then into three. He took a moment to admire his handiwork, grinning smugly as he put his signature on it. Without a word exchanged between the father and son, the elder Sarutobi went back to taking care of the baby as his son looked over the proclamation.

"Adoption?" Asuma couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice as he looked at his father, who nodded and leaned back in his chair.

"You inspired me, boy." the Third admitted with a chuckle, feeling as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "With the attack of the demon, we've lost many shinobi and innocents. Just like this youngster, many are now orphans." he ran his gnarled thumb over the child's cheek, smiling warmly as the baby took hood of the warmth and refused to let it go. "This decrees that shinobi or civilian over eighteen should adopt one or more of them. They are promised a stipend for their efforts, which will keep the single parents happy, and these children should be able to keep our ANBU and jounin a little more emotionally stable." he couldn't keep the smile off his face as he sat there, pleased that he found a way to maneuver himself into keeping his promise to Arashi.

It seemed that Asuma picked up on that sentiment. "Did you make that law just to get away with adopting this kid yourself?" he crossed his arms and stared down at his father, shaking his head when the old man suddenly broke out into laughter. _"He really is enough to drive a man to smoke." _was all he could think to himself as he tried to piece together the puzzle of the swaddling infant that had managed to infatuate his father to the extent of writing a law for. For not even being a day old, he could sure cause a ruckus.

The Third Hokage smiled a fatherly smile at Asuma as he leaned back in his official chair. "Any why not? Perhaps when you turn eighteen, you can become the boy's legal guardian, and I can finally have myself a grandson." he fought back the urge to laugh at how his son blanched at the prospect while not objecting outright to it. There was hope for that boy yet. "But for the time being, he is my son, and newest addition to the Sarutobi clan." he said with a smile, holding up the infant for Asuma to see.

"Allow me to introduce you to Sarutobi Naruto."

So, like it? Hate it? Gives you an unexplainable rash? I want to hear plenty of reviews for this one. If you ask nicely, I may put an in omake scene in here later.


	2. Ch 1: Monkey Quest

That's right, loyal viewers! SoaM is back with a vengeance! Or at least with a mild irritation, one which I intend to have taken care of with some medication I got at the store.

Unfortunately, they were fresh out of the rights to Naruto and its characters, so I still don't own it. -shrug- Oh well. On with the show!

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"Blah" Normal Speak

"_Blah"_ Thought Speak, Letters, Jutsu Names

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**Preventer Squall presents:**

_**Son of a Monkey**_

**Chapter 2: _The Monkey's Quests, both Noble and Otherwise_**

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The young Naruto couldn't hold back his laughter as he ran through the park with so many of the new friends he had made.

He remembered how grandpa told him to be careful, since some people would like to be his friend only because he's a Sarutobi. The concept of a false friend seemed silly to the five year old, but Grandpa was wearing the 'big hat' at the time, so it meant he was being serious. Even though he wasn't sure what to watch out for, Naruto would do as he was told, just to make sure his grandpa kept smiling like he did every time he was called grandpa.

Granted, it was only during this last year that technical guardianship was transferred to Sarutobi Asuma, but he had always seen the bearded jounin as his father figure. It didn't mean he didn't love his Grandpa any less, but it was just the logic of a child. Simple and honest.

His laughter overshadowed the brief introspective as he played tag, currently chasing after the blue haired girl with the funny white eyes. In a village where people could snap their fingers and blow up mountain sides, white eyes didn't strike the youngster as all that odd. It was just another interesting little fact about his beloved village, and something he wouldn't trade for all the jutsus in existence. The merriment would have continued, until he ran head first into someone's leg, jarring the blonde and sending him onto his backside with a stunned expression on his face, looking up at the person he had collided with.

It was like a REALLY big version of the white eyed girl, except with black hair, and was a man, and had an unhappy look on his face. These facts, added together, made the child realize that this big person was actually nothing like the girl he was playing with, save for the off-white eyes that were glaring down at him. Naruto couldn't restrain the urge to squirm under the icy scowl, wondering what he had done wrong.

Thankfully, the big man broke the silence by turning his glare on the girl and speaking. "Hinata, I told you it is beneath a member of the Hyuuga clan to fraternize with such.." he paused to fix his derisive sneer on Naruto. "..lowbrow rabble." those words were practically spat out, causing all the children in the playground to look at one another in unabashed confusion, though it was obvious their feelings were hurt. All except Naruto, who suddenly got to his feet and tried to glare back at Hyuuga Hiashi, the head of the Hyuuga family's main house.

Of course, all Naruto knew about this man was that he was a big jerk, and was being mean to his friends. There was no way he could take that lying down.

"I don't know what all of that meant, but you're bein' mean!" he snapped, unfazed by the looks of surprise that came from the various parents of the various children. Something bubbled in the boy's gut as all he got out of Hiashi was a quirked eyebrow, launching him further into a tirade. "My Grampa said everyone is i-important, an' that we should all play nice!" it took all of the boys' willpower to keep from jumping up and down as he defended his friends, already having forgotten the momentary stumble in his declaration. His grandfather hadn't said those words exactly, but the words he had used were really big and hard to pronounce, so Naruto decided to use the abridged version in his rebuke.

It seemed the boy didn't know that getting any reaction out of Hyuuga Hiashi's stoic mask was an accomplishment in itself. Hiashi leaned down to look at the boy, silently admiring the child for having the courage to stand up to him when so many others were cowed by his presence. "Ignorance truly is bliss." he mused to himself, suddenly recognizing the whisker marks that were on the boy's face. "You're the Hokage's adopted grandson." the word 'adopted' was said more like a profanity, causing the boy to unconsciously wince. "It seemed you did not inherit the competence of such a great man, since you have the nerve to speak to your betters in such a manner." he was willing to acknowledge the superior skill of the Hokage, since he had the privilege of seeing him in action when Hiashi was younger, but that did not mean he was going to coddle a child that was only a Sarutobi in name. "Do not presume your superiority, brat. You are just another little gutter urchin to me, since you are as closely related to the Hokage as those cretins in the Takemori clan." He snapped, watching the small boy start to tear up from the tongue lashing.

He almost continued, but the surge of killing intent behind him caused his mouth to go dry, slowly tuning around to stare into the eyes of an incensed Asuma. From the way he was holding the kunai, knuckles stark white, it seemed he had been there long enough to hear him. Hiashi kept his expression as stony and blank as usual, as though the prospect of coming to harm didn't even concern him. Rather then speak to the man, he snorted and turned his attention to his daughter. "Hinata, come." he ordered before walking away, a defeated looking little girl trudging after him.

Asuma could feel his blood literally boiling as he glared at the back of the retreating Hyuuga. Every instinct told him to tear that arrogant bastard into sashimi, but the heart wrenching whimper put out the fires of rage, the embers further squelched when he saw the tears threatening to spill over in his son's peerless blue eyes. Without a word, he kneeled down and picked him up before walking toward the Sarutobi estate, patting his son on the back as he felt the tears stain his vest and heard the muffled crying that accompanied them, unaware of the young blonde haired girl that was watching their departure.

Not a word was spoken as they walked through the streets, Asuma's glare so fierce that any questions were snuffed out before they could even leave a person's lips. He was completely focused on making his way home to talk with Naruto. He was impressed his son had the stones to stand up to an elitist snob like Hiashi, even though he was probably too young to understand what he just did. The kid did it out of instinct, which said a lot about the person he was going to grow to become.

"Hell, maybe he'll be the next Hokage." Even though it wasn't the best time to be amused, he felt a smirk tug at the corner of his lip as he stepped into the estate, taking off his shoes before doing the same for Naruto. By now, the tears had gone dry, and the steady rhythm of his breathing was a clear indication that he had fallen asleep somewhere along the walk. Wiping some of the tears from his cheeks, Asuma took the boy to his bedroom and tucked him in, about to leave him alone when he heard a voice from beneath the sheets.

"Are you ashamed of me?"

The question from a voice so meek and afraid of the answer almost broke the jounin's heart as he turned back around, a smile on his lips as he looked into Naruto's eyes, sitting down on the bed beside him. "Not at all. It took guts to do what you did. If you ask me, it's that sort of courage that makes you a damn fine member of our clan. And I know my father and brother would agree with me." he smiled and leaned over to ruffle the boy's hair, earning a squawk of objection. His father laughed and smirked at the boy, who returned the sentiment with a weak smile. Asuma sighed and reached into his pouch, drawing out a kunai and twirling it between his fingers, catching the boy's attention. "You really upset by what that Hyuuga bastard said about not having Sarutobi blood in ya?" his tone brokered no answer but the straight truth, shaking his head when the boy nodded again.

"Hold out your hand." he said as he took off the glove on his right hand, setting it on the bed and waiting for Naruto to do as he was told. "This is gonna sting." He said before pressing the edge of the kunai again the boy's hand, causing it to bleed. To his credit, Naruto bit his lip and did his level best to keep from crying, though the pain was numbed as he saw his father do the exact same with his own hand. Leaning forward, Asuma pressed their hands together, his face a stony mask as he felt the blood intermingle on their palms. After about thirty seconds of that, he drew his hand back and drew out bandages and ointment with his free hand. "There. Now you've got my blood in you, and your blood in me. This makes you a Sarutobi in blood and name, and you better not take it lightly." he shook a finger at the boy before bandaging both of their hands. "It means you're responsible for the safety of this village, like your old man, your uncle, and your grandfather. If ya do what you can to protect it, then there's no one that can say you haven't earned your name."

He was expecting more crying.

He was prepared for laughter.

He wasn't prepared for this creepy, starry eyed look on his son's face.

He wasn't prepared for the kid to suddenly leap out of bed, his vigor back many times stronger then normal.

But Sarutobi Naruto did them anyway. Not just the latter two, but all of the above.

After the laughter died down, Naruto stood there with a grin spanning from ear to ear, as though he was somehow inspired by the speech. "Then I'm gonna become Hokage, and make sure everyone sees that I've earned being called a Sarutobi!" he shouted, turning around and running to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To talk with grampa about some special training!" the boisterous voice echoed through the hall, as did the sound of him tripping, tumbling, and colliding with a potted plant.

Asuma chuckled and shook his head as he reached into his vest pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and procuring a single stick for himself. "I think I just created a monster." he muttered absently, lighting up and inhaling deeply. "At least he's dad's problem now." he let a smirk grow on his lips as he got to his feet, deciding to grab something to eat with his newly found free time.

--- 

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GONNA TRAIN ME!" those words echoed throughout the Hokage Tower, causing everyone at work to momentarily pause in their various labors, look toward the Hokage's office, and absently ponder what voice could pierce through what everyone was sure to be a soundproof room. Then they realized it wasn't their problem, and went back to work.

The Hokage grumbled and massaged the bridge of his nose as he leaned back in his chair, sparing a glance at his glaring grandson. He was internally pleased that the boy wanted to become the next Hokage, and wanted to see that Naruto got his chance for the title, but what he could do was severely limited. "You may be my grandson, but that doesn't mean I can give you any special favors to get you to be a Hokage. Besides, I'm here most hours of the day, as you know." he slowly leaned against the table and watched the reactions play out over the blonde's face. Anger flickered over his face for a moment, then was replaced with an expression of squinted eyes and scrunched up facial features. He almost admitted that his thinking face was adorable, until his grandson spoke up again.

Thankfully, it wasn't in an earsplitting decibel range again. "I don't want any special favors to make me Hokage. That would just mean I didn't earn it, and that I didn't earn the right to be a Sarutobi." Naruto said as he stroked his chin, trying to break his reasoning down into logical blocks, like his father kept chiding him on. "Besides, you work way too much anyway. Everyone in the tower says so." he waved a hand to the door, as though he also knew about the people who were trying to listen in on the other side. "All you have to do is leave early, train me, then you can have dinner and go to sleep before work tomorrow." in the mind of a five year old, it sounded like the perfect plan.

With a chuckle, the Third Hokage leaned forward and clasped his hands together, a small smirk on his lips. "And who would I appoint to take care of the files I miss?" he inquired, trying very hard not to laugh when Naruto rolled his eyes and said "I dunno. I can't think of everything."

It was then that the Third was struck with an ingenious idea. "I'll make a deal with you." he paused to make sure he had the boy's attention. "If you can create a jutsu that will surprise me, then I will find a way to give you that training." he said with a grin, sure that the boy would turn to Asuma, and would in turn be trained by his father rather then him. He knew that he had been teaching his son the taijutsu style the Sarutobi clan used, and didn't think it would be all that difficult to get him to teach everything else as well.

Naruto let his grin span from ear to ear at the declaration, the gears in his head already spinning as he gave his grandfather a thumbs up and a nod. "You got it! I'll be back before this week is even through!" he shouted, pumping his fist in emphasis before dashing to the door. He had planning to do.

Pleased that his grandson was gone again, he reached into his desk drawer in order to retrieve fresh tobacco for his pipe, letting his chuckle fill the office. He spared a glance to the secretary and the attendants who had been listening, smirking as they scurried away in order to look busy. With another chuckle and a shake of his head, he leaned back and relit his pipe, wondering what the boy would come up within a week.

It would have to be something astounding to actually shock the Third Hokage.

--- 

Grampa really needed new locks.

Really, just about anyone with a hairpin could get into those personal spaces of his grandfathers. It was the only reason he even kept a hairpin anymore, since his hair did the hedgehog impression without having to use any product or conditioner.

Why was Naruto routing through the Hokage's room in the Sarutobi mansion like a pig scouring for truffles? Simple. His dad had said he needed to do research before taking on his grandfather, and where was better to look then in his own room? It seemed logical enough, but it was starting to become rather vexing. Thirty minutes into the expedition, and all he had really run into were his collection of sealed scrolls, some books, and a huge assortment of weapons in his closet. As much as he wanted to give that naganita a whirl(literally speaking), he knew it would probably get him into trouble. So back to the hunt!

Somewhere during his mental reverie, which involved him as a Kage bearing an innumerable number of weapons and wearing the coveted 'big hat', his sandal clad foot stepped on one of the many floorboards near his grandfather's bed. The loud creak that followed was enough to snap Naruto out of his daydream to inspect the said board. "Creaks way too loud for it to be normal." he thought as he kneeled down to inspect the offending plank. To his surprise, it actually dipped down into the floor when he pressed it with a hand. He pressed it down further, curious to see what would happen, and found the other side of the board suddenly snapping up, causing the boy to jump back and squawk in surprise. The board fell back into place, and Naruto leaned down to examine what lay beneath. Inside was a black metal box, looking as though its hinges had been oiled recently. The lock was easy enough to take care of, thanks to his trusty hairpin, and he looked down at the treasure trove he found.

"Books? Why the hell would he put them in here?" he sat down on his haunches and picked up one of the orange-covered novels, glancing at the cover. "Come Come Paradise?" he shrugged and flipped through the pages, pausing to read a random paragraph.

Two hours later, he calmly closed the book, set it back amidst the collection, closed/locked the box, set it back into its hiding space, careful to leave no evidence of its discovery, and walked for the door as a single thought ran through his head.

Which he decided to voice as soon as he got to his room. "AHHHH! IT BUURNS!" he howled as he clutched his eyes and began rolling around on the floor, wondering what kind of depraved lunatic would write such smut.

--- 

Thanks to that mentally scarring side trip, he had come up with a plan that would be able to defeat his grandfather with no trouble. Rather then be inspired by the..questionable reading material, it had actually been one of the omake cartoons in the back pages that had given him the blueprints for a truly nefarious scheme. Now, as much as he wanted to immediately experiment with this jutsu, he found there was one inherent flaw in the plan.

He had never seen a naked woman before.

This explained why he was now hunkered down in the bushes outside the local bath house, trying to part the shrubbery with all the stealth he could muster. And since he was not even a genin yet, this was proving to be a more arduous task then initially intended. The young man found he had a dislike for actions that seemed as perverted as this, but he rebuked it with the mental reassurance it was all being done in the name of research, in the hopes of making him a better shinobi.

It didn't explain why he soon found himself joined by some big guy with spiky white hair, so he decided to make conversation in the strangest place imaginable.

"Who are you?" he leaned over and whispered, ignoring the man's irritated expression, which suddenly softened when he saw the blonde looking up at him.

Kids today were growing up so fast. Jiraiya had to fight back tears at the sight of the newest generation already taking up this time honored practice. And Tsunade always said he would never make an impact on the newest age bracket. "HA! Take that, you temperamental, violent, full breasted, jiggling, well toned rumped...what was I thinking about? Oh yeah, the kid! Take that, Tsunade!" he grinned and held out a hand to the youngster. "Kid, you are in the presence of the great Toad Sennin, Jiriaya." he whispered as loudly as he could, though his pride deflated slightly at the clueless expression on the blonde's face. "I'm the writer of the illustrious Come Come Paradise."

The sudden look of recognition was almost enough to bring the old man to honestly moved tears. Not only was the child one that tried to peek into the women's bath, he had also read his infamous literature. It was as if he had found the son he was almost sure he never had. "And I'm in the middle of my research, so keep it down."

Naruto tried not to gape openly at the blatant pervert. He had just been prepared to launch a rant about how disgusting the series was, but the mention of 'research' was enough to quiet him. It seemed to make no sense, since it seemed like the weird old guy seemed to be well enough acquainted with the female form, if his writing was any indication. "Grampa's always saying that training is never really over. Guess this guy is just trying to make sure he gets his writing(shudder) right." the young boy reasoned to himself, holding a hand out to the man. As big a letch as Jiraiya was, Naruto couldn't help but admire a man that was so dedicated to his work. "I'm Naruto." he said as they shook hands, then went into an explanation of what he intended to learn at the hot springs.

For once, the giggling naked girls were forgotten as Jiraiya rubbed his chin, his expression thoughtful. This Naruto kid had a sound idea to use against whoever his grandfather was, and a good method of getting the necessary intelligence on the subject. He was a little disappointed that he wasn't there for the view, but just figured it would take the runt a few more years to truly appreciate the art form that was the female form. He was already on the right track to being a true super pervert. "Sounds like a good plan, but the way you're going at it could take awhile." he mused out loud, his lips slowly drawing into a smirk as a set-up for some once in a lifetime writing material was suddenly concocted in his mind. "Wouldn't you like to get the measurements you need now?"

Without even thinking about hesitating, the boy nodded vigorously, leaning in to listen to the older man's devious idea. In theory, it was sound. He would need to use a henge to disguise his face marks and hair, and he had managed to pick up on the trick when he watched his father execute the aforementioned move. It was risky, especially if there were any really skilled kunoichi in there, but it was a risk worth taking for the sake of defeating the Third Hokage!

And if they failed, he could still blame it all on the Ero-Sennin.

-- 

One thing that could be said about Konoha kunoichi was that they were as strong as those from any other village, yet managed to retain their own feminine instincts.

And when a little boy comes stumbling into the women's onsen, teary eyed and scared, crying and asking about where his 'big brother' went, they become VERY in tune with the mother that resides within said feminine instincts.

_"Keep focus, or else I'm dead."_ Naruto mentally chided himself as he was soon surrounded by a cadre of concerned looking women. He had used a henge to disguise his facial marks, and wet his now black hair so it remained plastered to his head, but knew that if he was found out, he could be in a world of trouble. It was hard to keep focus as the women hugged him to their sizable chests in an attempt to stop the tears, but he soon found them to be flowing out all on their own. He had never known the loving embrace that came from a mother, and the warm safety it seemed to provide. When he hugged them and continued to cry, it just made the naked women all the more attentive to healing his aching heart.

Jiraiya knew when he was in the presence of greatness. Not only did this kid perform a henge that hadn't dissipated upon contact, he proved his acting skills to be more then extraordinary. If he didn't know better, he would have been sure that those sobs were real. The Sannin's hand blurred over the notepad as he jotted down everything he could about this moment, a whole new story arc for his literature coming to mind. Maybe he would call it 'Come Come Innocence'. It had a nice ring to it.

He glanced at his watch and smirked. For the fantastic performance, he'd give the kid afew more minutes before he swooped in.

After getting the cry off his chest(and onto theirs), Naruto was trying to keep as focused as he could on the task at hand. But despite how business-like he tried to keep it, he knew he was in some sort of paradise. Two gorgeous women were sitting on both sides of him, cooing over his cuteness and worrying if he was going to be alright or not, and he was sitting in the lap a very attractive lady who said she was a kunoichi. The red eyes made him a little nervous, but he shrugged it off as he reviewed the various measurements, textures, and body figures in his mind. Now completing his first jutsu would be child's play, and he was just the child to do it.

"Hey bro, you in there?" a voice called out from the entrance to the bath, though it seemed he was too nervous to actually come in. Several of the single women whispered to one another about what his brother must look like.

The blonde, on the other hand, knew that was the signal to get out of there. "There he is!" he says, making sure to put plenty of relief in his voice before he turned to the women that had been so kind to him, giving them each a hug and quickly spoken thanks for being so nice to him. He gave them all a wave before he dashed out of the women's bath, silently swearing that their trust will not have been for nothing. It just became one more reason to become the Hokage to him.

-- 

He grinned up at Jiraiya as they sat at the counter at Ichiraku's, intent on celebrating their collective victories. "Thanks a lot for helping me. Now I can go and beat my gramps!" he shouted between inhaling bowls of ramen with incomparable gusto.

"It was no trouble, Naruto. Your help with my research will last at least four volumes." Jiraiya patted the notepad and chuckled, leaning against the bar as he ate his dango stick. The more he watched the kid, the more he seemed to be like his former student. That blonde hair that stuck out like an enraged sea urchin, the way he ate his ramen. "If I didn't know any better, I would have sworn that this kid was his kid." he thought, taking another bite as his decided to just get the question out in the open and be done with it. "Who is your grandfather, anyway?"

Naruto blinked and pivoted his head toward the man, surprised that he hadn't actually said it yet. "He's the Third Hokage." he said as though it was common knowledge, missing the pole-axed look that came over Jiraiya's face as the blonde hopped off the stool. "Thank you for the ramen, Ero-san." he said with a bow, remembering how his father reminded him to use proper etiquette when it came to his elders. Especially when he was sticking them with the bill. "I'll see you later. I've got training to do!" he waved and dashed out of the restaurant, intent on getting to the mansion for some serious training.

The older shinobi couldn't say a word as he sat there, watching the boy become a speck in the distance before he got to his feet. "Don't call me Ero-san, you punk!" he couldn't help but shake his fist as he yelled, sure that he had been heard before paying Ichiraku for their meals. With any luck, this latest little excursion would give him enough cash to pay for plenty of meals like this. And maybe afew after dinner treats too.

--- 

"I see. So that's how it is." Jiraiya muttered under his breath and he stroked his chin as he sat infront of the Hokage's desk, a thoughtful expression on his face. To think, the son of his student had become the adopted grandson of his teacher. No matter how you sliced it, the idea was rife with Sarutobi-sensei's meddling. Not that he was surprised, actually. Hearing about what Arashi had done for the village, sacrificing his son in the process, he toyed with the idea of taking the kid in himself.

The Hokage nodded solemnly, silently pleased that he had finally been allowed an audience for the truth that was forced into silence for five long years. It was like a weight was lifted off his chest, allowing him to breathe a little easier, and see a little clearer. "I know I don't have to tell you, Jiraiya, but I need you to keep all of this to yourself. Not a soul outside this room can hear the truth about what happened. I will tell Naruto in time, and I don't want him to hear about it from the warped logic of an angry mob." he explained, his hands fanning outward before his fingers interlinked, his gaze unwavering as he watched his former student. Of all the people, the man sitting across from him was the only person he could actually trust with information this sensitive. He had been the most loyal to the village of the Legendary Three, even though the man had come to see him five days after running into his grandson.

The Sannin rolled his eyes and waved his hand in a dismissive fashion, shaking his head as he tried not to sigh. Really, did the old man think he was a wet nose genin or something? "Yeah yeah. So, do you intend to actually train him?"

A chuckle rippled through the air as the Sarutobi patriarch smirked in an amused manner. "When he gets older, I do. But for now, I want him to defer to Asuma for such things. Naruto will try out this technique of his soon, and while he may be slightly discouraged at its failure, it means that he will turn to his father for guidance, and eventually take to training with him on the basics. After that, I will come in." he unfolded his brilliant plan before his former student, who still had a dubious expression on his face. "Do you think I overlooked something?"

"Hmm..hard to say." was all that he was given as a reply, the crimson strips beneath Jiraiya's eyes crinkling as he tried to think about the tenacity of the brat. Knowing what he did of Naruto, it was doubtful he would be discouraged by anything until he got what he wanted.

As if summoned there, the infamous blonde forced open the doors to the Hokage's office, apparently uncaring about the shouts that echoed through the hallway about his grandfather being in a meeting. Some tried to discourage, but the boy's stony scowl brokered no quarter, and he would be damned if he let anything short of Kami-sama himself stop him. Naruto paid no attention to the Sannin as he walked up his grandfather's desk, suddenly snapping into the fighting stance that Asuma had been teaching him.

Honestly, he had been expecting something a little less straightforward. Sarutobi fought down the disappointment in this 'challenge' as he got to his feet, resting his knotted hands on the desk and waiting for the youngster to do something. He spared a glance at Jiraiya, who had a very peculiar look in his face. For a brief instant, he was concerned about what the boy had learned, but mentally shrugged it off. "As if there's anything that I can't handle." he thought to himself, though the smirk was suddenly wiped off his faced when the boy clasped his hands together and bellowed at the top of his lungs.

"_Sexy no Jutsu_!"

Jiraiya looked like a kid in a candy store with that giddy expression on his face, something that made the Hokage very nervous before the room was suddenly engulfed in spiraling smoke, which soon thinned out and faded to reveal…his grandson?

Only his grandson was standing there like a dual-pigtailed centerfold, striking a sensual pose while looking like a gorgeous naked woman. A twitch suddenly formed in the corner of his eye as the 'woman' suddenly turned to face him, leaning against the table and blowing him a kiss. That was the last thing he could remember before blackness overtook him, eyes rolling back into his skull as he passed out from a massive nosebleed.

Rather then be content with this overwhelming victory, Naruto spun on a heel to face the gawkers outside the office, striking another pose that dropped three clerks, two Anbu, and a secretary like they had no bones. No one down that hallway was safe from its devastating assault. "Effective up to 15 meters. Not bad at all." he thought to himself, suddenly realizing someone in the room was still awake. 

'Awake' was a highly questionable term used to describe the drooling Jiraiya, whose eyes were partly glossed over and had his hands extended outward and was apparently squeezing air. Unfortunately for him, the dream was cut short when the blonde suddenly snapped out of the jutsu, a look of shock on his face as he pointed to the super pervert. "IT'S YOU, ERO-SAN!" that shocked the Sannin out of his daze, giving him to get up and sock the boy upside the head. "Don't call me that, you little brat!"

It was an auspicious beginning to the young man's training, which began at the end of that week. His grandfather found a way to take care of his paperwork faster(thanks to the ever useful Kage Bushin), which allowed him to train the boy in the evening, while Asuma stepped up the taijutsu training that began in the mornings.

He ended each day exhausted, and every dream was about becoming the greatest Hokage ever.

_To be continued…_

---------

And that's the conclusion to our newest installation. Here's abit of a teaser about our next chapter:

_Next time, on Icha-Icha Inno..I mean..Son of a Monkey:_

_Our hero finds himself facing the great challenge that befalls every man in their life. Women. And that whole graduating from school thing too. Join him as he meets his new team members, sort of gains a new rival, and continues his journey to the path of Hokage!_

_That's all in our next episode: Chapter 2: That Funky Monkey_


	3. Ch 2: Funky Monkey

Good day, faithful readers! I know this is late, but I blame it entirely on a shoddy computer that needed a weeks for repairs. And work! Work was evil! But reguardless of my dislikes, I have persevered in bringing a new chapter for you all to enjoy.

After checking the shelves, I find that I STILL do now own Naruto or its characters, but I do have ownership of any chars I make myself. And no, there will be no Mary Sues on my watch. She's purely there for plot development and to scare the daylights out of Naruto and the rest of the team. -cackles-

Anyway..on with the show!

--------- 

"Blah" Normal Speak

_"Blah"_ Thought Speak, Letters, Jutsu Names

--- 

**Preventer Squall presents: ******

**_Son of a Monkey_ ******

**Chapter 2: _Follow that Funky Monkey_**

--------- 

"CRAP! I'm gonna be late!"

The shinobi to-be nearly started tearing at his own hair as he sprang out of bed, moving around his bedroom in a blonde blur of fear induced panic while pulling on his clothes, kunai and shiruken pouches, and anything else that sprang to mind. Rather then run out of the room just yet, he paused to give himself a brief once over in the mirror. 

In another reality, he would have been wearing an eye-searing orange jumpsuit. While the young man's favorite color was still orange, he had decided to be liberal in its usage in this story. He was wearing a black t-shirt that had an orange trace of the Konoha leaf on the chest, dark blue cargo pants, his sandals, and an open jacket that was as blue as his pants, save for the orange section that ran down from the elbow to the wrist. While he had yet to receive the coveted hitai-ate, he decided to prep himself for its arrival by wearing a pair of goggles that were currently resting on his forehead, taking a moment to adjust them before grinning in approval at his overall appearance.

"If you don't get down here in ten seconds, I'm giving your breakfast to the birds!" Asuma shouted, effectively derailing the youngster's train of thought. Of course he had no intention of wasting food like that, but it proved a useful incentive for days when his son had been training with him rather then the Hokage. He could hear the door being shoved open, calmly counting down the seconds before Naruto came barreling into the room like he had been set on fire, come to a screeching halt in the kitchen, and pounce on his food like a starved jaguar_. ".2 seconds early. Shouldn't pass the exam without any problem."_ he thought with a small smile, glancing over the newspaper to see what was going on in the news. Konohamaru got into trouble again. He would have Naruto talk to his cousin about pranking his tutor like that.

At least Naruto could do it without being caught.

The aforementioned whirl of motion let out a pleased sigh at the feel of a filled belly, patting his stomach before getting to his feet. "I'll see ya later, pops!" he waved to his father before running out the nearest window, pushing charka into his legs in order to carry the spry blonde to one of the nearby roofs, beginning his mad dash for the school.

Why was he pushing himself so hard so early, when his father called off the morning practice session? It was because he was taking his genin exam a full year early of his class, and he had every intention of passing. Granted, he had to get up an hour earlier then normal class days, but he didn't complain. It was his first step into becoming the Hokage, not to mention it would give him something to lord over Sasuke with. "I'll show 'em all!" he shouted between jumps, not skimping about using charka to enhance his speed and distance. His father and grandfather have been training him since before he went to the academy, and he had the physical/chakra stamina of a marathon runner. That, and he found that the less chakra he had when he got to the academy, the easier it was for him to perform the beginner level techniques that the academy trained in. His grandfather said it was because he had so much charka that it tended to disrupt the jutsu he'd attempt to perform. It was embarrassing in some ways, and awesome in others.

Those thoughts were quickly pushed aside when the academy came into view, mentally praying that he wasn't late so Iruka-sensi wouldn't give him a righteously agitated lecture. Such willingness to chew him out, regardless of his lineage, was one of the reasons he had come to respect the scar-nosed teacher. When others had hesitated, Iruka charged in without a second thought, unwilling to take crap from any of his pupils. Always a cool feature, in the young boy's opinion. Three powerful leg vaults and a somersault later, Naruto soundly landed in the front lawn of the academy, barely sparing a second before charging inside and for Iruka-sensei's classroom.

"You're barely on time, Naruto." Iruka stated flatly, sparing a glance at the clock on the wall to be sure that it was a confirmed fact. _"Two minutes to spare. Good. I really don't want to keep him from this."_ the instructor thought to himself as he pointed out an empty seat that was next to the young man who was wearing a formerly white, but now just dirty, gi. As displeasing as he knew the combination of two such..vocal young men could be, he didn't see much choice in the matter. He idly toyed with the idea of just grabbing his earplugs now, but decided to wait until he handed out the exam sheets first. 

Naruto didn't have time to strike up a conversation with the boy next to him, since Iruka had gotten to his feet and was already speaking. "Alright class, this exam will be conducted in two parts. The first will be a written exam, which will be thirty minutes long, and the second will be a demonstration of a Bushin no jutsu. I hope all of you have prepared accordingly." he let himself stare at several of the self-appointed slackers in the congregation while he handed out papers, one of them being Sarutobi Naruto.

It was just something he couldn't comprehend. The boy had a lofty ambition, and since he had been trained by the Third himself, it was expected that his ranking would be nothing shy of the best in his class. But such was not the case, as he was barely in the top third of his group in any of his subjects. Uchiha Sasuke had taken a great deal of pleasure in flaunting this fact over the blonde, who didn't even seem to care. Glancing over at the youngster with the Moe Howard hair cut, who was chomping at the bit to get the exam underway, he wondered if the boy could inspire Naruto to show the same fire. "You may begin."

"Yosh!" Lee could feel the fires of youth brimming inside of him today, the day when he needed it the most. He had studied hard for this exam, and even though he couldn't perform a bushin, he would astound everyone around him with the expertise in which he dealt with the written exam. Even the younger student beside him, whose eyes were wide with obvious awe of his adolescent spirit, already seemed astounded at his prowess. It was a sign of divine providence!

Which seemed stronger to him, the weird look in his eyes, or those bushy eyebrows? Naruto couldn't decide, and was forced to refocus his attention on the paper when Iruka snapped at the two of them to begin their test. He took a breath to calm himself down before beginning his work, the thirty minutes practically flying by. After handing in his sheet, he turned to the older kid in the dirty gi. "How do you think you did?" he asked, feeling a sweatdrop form on the side of his head as the only response he got was a thumbs up and smile that glistened under the fluorescent lights.

"Enough talking. Everyone file down here and line up single file." Iruka watched his students as they silently complied, waiting for silence to reign before he began to list off the roster of the names. He wasn't surprised when Hyuuga Neji deftly formed a trio of bushin, and nodded slightly when Lee simply asked that he be skipped, feeling his heart to out to the boy. And from the look of it, so did Naruto, especially with the haughty expression on Neji's face.

Granted, Naruto was more confused then anything, but he decided to remain quiet as he waited for his name to be called, trying to keep his face blank as he stepped out of the lineup. He noticed the Hyuuga glaring at him, and could tell that ol' bushy brows was watching him as well. Part of him was tempted to use the Sexy no Jutsu just to shock Iruka-sensei, but he didn't want to attract too much attention. Just enough to rub it in the face of that Neji guy.

"Time to show them what I can really do." he felt a grin tugging at his lips, glad he had burned off some of his charka as he clasped his fingers together, grunting out the title of the jutsu before he soon found himself surrounded by a quartet of smug looking bushin, each one a perfect replica of himself. He took in everyone's varying expressions, feeling pleased to surprise both the Hyuuga and Iruka-sensei, deciding to return the thumbs up he had been given by Lee before dispelling the replicas.

"Very good, all of you. I will have the results posted for you at the end of the day. Everyone please return to your normal classes." Iruka instructed, looking over the pile of papers next to him. Something told him that Naruto would be just as impressive scholastically as he was with his bushin skill. He had to admit that he was pleased to be proven wrong this time around, and gave his class busy work while he worked on the test results, intent on having them prepared for the jounin instructors before he even took his lunch break.

-- 

Naruto couldn't keep the strut from his walk as he came into the classroom, already able to see his classmates assembled in their seats. He hadn't seen many of them in the exam with him, while one of the unattended was currently glaring as the blonde sat down in the seat next to him. As usual, he ignored Sasuke and propped his feet on the desk, rolling his shoulder and letting his backpack fall to the floor. He wasn't sure what was stuck in the haughty Uchiha's craw this time, though he figured that it had something to do the small group of girls that were sitting at the desk directly to the left of them.

Several other members of the Naruto Fan Club had been heckling their former attraction with questions about Naruto's whereabouts, only receiving muttered comments about not being his keeper, followed by Sakura and her ilk defending their brooding boy idol.

Why was there a Naruto Fan Club, you ask? Actually, it originally started as something more like a 'insulted by Sasuke to the point of understanding what a jerk he was' Club. This changed the day when Naruto had actually stood up for a member of the aforementioned group, calling Sasuke a callous ass, which was immediately followed by the Sasuke Fan Club ganging up and proceeding to beat the bejeasus out of him. Unused to this display of actual humanity, the spurned young girls joined forces to become a united front for the greatness that was Sarutobi Naruto, gathering up those that held an admiration for him as well. After all, he was cute, determined, from a prestigious family, and was actually willing to engage in conversation with those that had chosen him as the object of their affection, regardless of how all the attention embarrassed him.

But back to the present.

With his arrival, and a handful of minutes still on the clock, Yanmakana Ino ambled over to the desk, smirking down at Naruto. "And just where have you been, Naruto-kun?" she asked, trying to sound sweet, while making the boy internally cringe in fear of what he may or may have not done.

_"Why wait to let the cat out of the bag?"_ he thought to himself, figuring they would find out soon enough anyway. "Just getting back from taking the genin exam." Naruto spoke as casually as he could about the matter, despite how he suddenly put the entire class into an uproar. Seeing Sasuke and several others openly gape at him, he scratched the side of his head. "What? Didn't you know it was an hour ago?" he actually seemed confused by this, scratching the side of his head as his head tilted to the side, stealing a glance at the bewildered Uchiha. "Geez, and I thought they called you a prodigy." 

Sasuke's face contorted into a savage scowl at the blatant dig against him, prepared to lunge at the offensive blonde before was there was a surge of killing intent from Ino, as well as several other women that had somehow crowded around their desk. In proper male fashion, the two began to cower in fear before their combined aura, which began to glow a very disturbing shade of red. It was only by divine providence that their teacher had chosen that moment to come in, sending the shinobi to-be scurrying back to their seats. But the glares they kept sending Naruto told him there would be a very thorough apology, followed by promises of at least visiting when they weren't in school.

--- 

Iruka sighed as he looked over the various selection of newly included genin, among the top of the class being the familiar name of Sarutobi Naruto. From the look of his scores, it seemed that the young man may have been holding back during the previous semesters. The chuunin hadn't been paying any attention to the world around him, still sitting at his desk eating a rice ball he had made in his bento, and thus didn't notice someone had come in until the door had closed, causing the scar-nosed chuunin to jump in surprise and spin around toward the door.

"My apologies if I interrupted your meal, Umino-san." the man said with a smile, which glinted under the fluorescent lights.

How he did that, Iruka would never know. "It's alright, Gai-sama. I just finished grading, and intend to have their hitai-ate given to them by the end of the day." he reached for the piece of paper at his desk, holding up the list of newly inducted genin for the jounin's approval. "I'm pleased to say that Lee managed to make the grade as well. Even without completing the second part of the exam, he still had an excellent score on the written portion, which allowed him to pass."

Another illuminating smile erupted on Gai's face. "As I knew he would! Where my Lee seems to be hindered in one area, he excels in others, showing the uncontestable power that comes from tapping the flames of youth!" he seems to ignore the sweatdrop that rolled down Iruka's face, since several other names took his attention. "I see that Hyuuga Neji made the top of the exam scores, though it seemed that," he paused in order to examine the name properly. "Sarutobi Naruto was barely several points behind him." he gave a slight nod before looking back to the teacher. "I thought that this young man was in next year's graduating class."

Scratching his pigtail, Iruka gave a slight shrug as he thought about how determined the boy was to be Hokage. "He took advantage of the option to take the exam early, and made a rather impressive display with his bushin. Even surprised Neji, who did better on the written test then Naruto did." he said with a chuckle, though it died out when he saw the focused expression on Maito Gai's face. It was obvious the gears were turning beneath the hideous bowl cut, though the chuunin had no idea what his intentions exactly were.

Two full minutes passed in silence between the two of them, the jounin looking over the list several times, and Iruka just about to return to eating his lunch when Gai spoke. "Iruka-san, I know this is highly unusual, but I would like to make a request as to who I will be taking in for my team." he stated in a surprisingly calm tone, his expression unreadable.

"O-Of course, Gai-sama. I will have to run it by the Hokage afterward, but I've never heard him turn down a special request." Iruka replied in as diplomatic a tone as he could, though he had to internally wince at the strange vehemence that was Gai's newly respawned smile.

--- 

The following day was far less hectic then initially anticipated. Shinobi in training were given that particular day off, allowing the genin to interact with their teammates and jounin instructor without the distractions of the normal school day.

Naruto had actually gotten to Iruka-sensei's class ten minutes early, a cheshire cat grin on his face as he adjusted his forehead protector, which had replaced his goggles, for the fifteenth time. The feel of the cloth pressed to his forehead felt right, as though he had taken a huge step forward in achieving his dream. It seemed manageable now, and he had every intention of making it to the top.

He was so lost in his mental reverie that he didn't notice someone standing beside him until the person spoke. "I see you made it too, my friend!" Lee's voice seemed to boom with unnatural volume, causing Naruto to jump and nearly fall out of his chair. He turned to see someone standing next to him, a smile on his lips as he proudly displayed the hitai-ate on his forehead like Naruto did. "I do not believe we have been properly introduced, my name is Maito Lee." he said before sticking his bandaged hand out, which was quickly accepted and shaken by an equally exuberant blonde. "Sarutobi Naruto. Nice to meet ya."

"Indeed. Now you weaklings can form your own little club." the snide-ness in Neji's tone almost turned Naruto's stomach as he and Lee turned to face Hyuuga Neji, who was sporting the same kind of arrogant sneer that came from someone as deluded as Sasuke. The look made Naruto's blood boil, bringing him up to his feet and defiantly glaring back at Neji. He didn't take crap from anyone, especially from someone with an over-inflated ego, and particularly from some jerk of a Hyuuga. 

Thankfully, he knew the perfect way to poke a hole in that superiority complex. In a sudden shift, Naruto's expression seemed bored, reaching back with both hands to support the back of his head. "Funny, but since I made better bushin, and more of them then you, dosen't that make you a weakling like us?" he asked, letting the smirk slowly curl on his lips as anger slowly filtered into the Hyuuga's eyes, which only grew as Naturo turned around, walked back to his seat, and leisurely sat down again.

In keeping with most Hyuuga, Neji merely swallowed his fury, replacing it with a blank mask before he stormed to his own seat. Lee looked from Neji to Naruto, then repeated this process several more times before his vocal chords unthawed enough to let him speak. "Naruto, do you know who that is you spoke to?" he whispered in astonishment, not wanting his rival to overhear them.

The bushy browed genin blinked when Naruto turned his attention to him, the irritation simmering in his eyes. "I don't care if that was Kami-sama himself. If he's going to insult me and my friend, then he better get used to the fact that I'm gonna insult him right back." he stated flatly, crossing his arms and nodding in affirmation to his own statement. He just made himself a new friend, and that jerk had no right to say what he did. It was as simple as that.

That was, of course, until he saw tears streaming down Lee's face, apparently moved that someone he just met would already consider him a friend. "Naruto, your words are truly inspiring!" he brought the sleeve of his gi over his eyes, and only succeeded in soaking the sleeve. "Such tenacity and heart have moved me to tears, my friend!" the torrent seemed to only increase at calling Naruto his friend. Had Iruka-sensei not come in and called in order, Naruto had no doubt the entire class would have eventually drowned.

"Alright everyone, since you already know who in the class is genin, let's commence to the assignment of teams, and let you wait for your appropriate jounin instructors." he watched as people suddenly grew tense in the room. Save for Lee, who Naruto was trying to keep from crying in joy. The listing of names took little time, though there was the occasional pause as they waited for classmates to group together upon hearing their appropriate team members. Naruto was confused when Lee gave the thumbs up to some girl with buns on her head when she was stuck on a team with Neji and some other guy, but it was quickly swept away when Iruka called out the next group. "Team 13, your members will be Maito Lee, Takemori Haruko, and Sarutobi Naruto." the instructor watched as the girl made her way down to sit with her new teammates, letting the two take in her appearance. 

Standing several inches taller then Naruto(which irritated the hell out of him since he was the shortest in their group), the girl seemed even thinner then the other kunoichi, but that was mostly because of the large tan coat she wore. Beneath the open coat was a fishnet shirt with a purple tube top beneath it, and a pair of black baggy pants that were taped up over her shins and ankles. Her skin was pale, and the front of her ink black hair had been tied had been tied into dreadlocks, which framed the front and sides of her face, while the back had been kept short and done up. What got the two boys' attention were her eyes, which were gold and serpent-like, and glaring at the two of them before she wordlessly sat down.

The rest of the group announcements were ignored as Naruto smiled shyly at the willowy girl, who had her hitai-ate tied around her neck, trying to think of something polite to say to her. "It's nice to meet you, Takemori-san." he said, holding out a hand to her. It was several tense moments before she reached out and accepted his hand, then shook Lee's extended hand as well.

A small hint of a smile peeked on her lips as she saw there was no animosity in their eyes, but honest politeness that came from meeting a person for the first time. "You too. But don't call me Takemori-san. That's what people call my parents." she says, earning a chuckle from the others.

There was only one way to ruin such a moment of camaraderie, and only one man could do it.

"Ahh, it moves me to tears to see that my students are already beginning to unify their hearts, as a team should!" the voice made the entire room shudder involuntarily. The trio turned to see Gai standing at the door in all his spandex-clad glory. While the other two were just trying to wrap their minds around the outfit he WILLINGLY wore, Lee was practically star struck. "…you are our sensei?" he couldn't keep the hopeful tone out of his voice, tears pouring from his eyes as their crying sensei nodded, causing the young boy to vault out of the seat and run to him.

"Gai-sensei!" 

"Lee-kun!" 

"Sensei!" 

"Student!" 

"Father!" 

"Son!" 

This continued for several more verses, but Naruto tried to block it out as he leaned in to whisper to Haruko. "So, those two are..family?" he tried not to wince, but the heightened pitch that came with the last word was good enough. He looked to Iruka-sensei for a glimmer of hope, that this was just some sick practical joke, though those hopes were quickly dashed when he shook his head, ragged topknot wagging as though it was some how mocking the distressed blonde.

Takemori sighed in quiet resignation of their fate, nodding when she was asked about their new sensei. "Yep. I hear he adopted Lee after Kyuubi attack. And now he's our teacher too." she muttered, sneaking a glance at the desk and wondering if she could just knock herself out for a few hours by hitting it with her skull.

Both of them were quieted when Gai's voice resonated throughout the room again. "Come along, my pupils, for we have much to do, if I am to mold the fires of your youthful sprits!" he could tell Lee was hanging off his every word before they marched off, with Naruto and Haruko trudging after them.

--- 

The newly dubbed Team 13 had situated themselves on the roof, the genin trio sitting cross-legged in front of their new sensei. They could feel something hanging in the air, like an unspoken something made every breath more foreboding then the last. For the first time that day, they were pleased that the silence was broken.

"I know the three of you are rather nervous about your first team, but I want to assure you that it my intention to make you the best you can be, and hopefully be a cornerstone in the realization of your dreams." he said with a smile, which glinted in the light.

Before Lee could launch into another tirade of love, Haruko interceded, a slight scowl marring her face. "How do you know if we even have dreams?" she asked, suspicion in her tone. To her surprise, Gai simply kneeled down so he was closer to their eye level, his smile having become more sympathetic. It grated on her nerves.

"By the very fact that you live and breathe, Haruko-chan." he said, ignoring her glower at the title he gave her. "One of the traits that make us human is that we have dreams. We all have aspirations with which we aspire to, and I would like to hear about them, as well as more about yourselves." their sensei calmly sat down, legs crossed and a smile on his face.

To no one's surprise, Lee was the first to his feet, a glint in the corner of his smile as he spoke. "My Name is Maito Lee, and my expertise is in taijitsu. I like to train, and my dream is to show everyone that you don't need ninjutsu or genjutsu to be a great ninja! I want to be one of Konoha's greatest ninja, with only taijutsu as my weapon!" he declared boldly, his courage having moved Gai close to tears, only able to give him a thumbs up. 

Naruto, seeing what could be another flash flood on the horizon, quickly spoke up. "How come you don't use ninjutsu or genjutsu?" he tilted his head to the side, face scrunched in an obviously confused manner. Since he was technically a year behind them, he was unaware of whatever restrictions that Lee put on himself. "Seems kinda weird to me."

Gai merely looked to his still posing son and smiled as he spoke. "My son was born with weak inner coils that didn't develop properly as he aged. It means he cannot use charka, so he has become a taijutsu expert." the last part with said with obvious pride, causing his son to beam back at him. "And what about your dreams, Naruto-kun?" 

The blonde scratched the back of his head as he stood up, obviously embarrassed about talking about himself, not to mention declaring his life's pursuit infront of the others. "My Name is Sarutobi Naruto. I like to use a bit of everything in fights, though my weakest skill would be genjutsu. I enjoy ramen, leaning new jutsu, and training with my family." Taking a page from Lee's book, he clenched his fist and grinned broadly, lacking in the lighting effect from his teeth. "My dream is to one day be Hokage. I may be adopted, but I want to prove that I've earned being a Sarutobi like my father and grandfather, the Third." he said with a firm nod. 

As anyone who's been reading this story could guess, Gai and Lee were in awe of the boy's lofty ambition, and at the regal presence he seemed to bear as he stood with the sunlight beaming down on him. Even Haruko seemed shocked, but it was quickly covered up as she got to her feet, not wanting the Blunder Twins to make her stand up. 

"I'm Takemori Haruko. I'm good at taijutsu and genjutsu, but I'm not all that good at ninjutsu. I have a bloodline trait known as the Hebitan, which allows me to do this." he opens her mouth and slowly extends her tongue, concentrating as the tapering appendage extended for about six inches before drawing back into her mouth. "I can stretch other parts of my body too." she finally looked up at her team, blinking owlishly when Naruto and Lee sat there with nothing but wonderment on their faces. Part of her felt bolstered by this, and quickly continued. "I enjoy reading and making new kinds of genjutsu, though I'm working on summoning as well." she mentioned the last part more as an afterthought. She was silent for several moments when it came to her dream, looking at each of her new teammates before finally breaking down with a dejected sigh.

"My dream isn't as big as either of yours, but laugh and I will kill you." she warned, fixing them all with a golden eyed glare. What she got was three men sitting around her, looking positively riveted as they waited to hear about her heart's aspiration. "My family's honor was destroyed when that monster, Orochimaru, abandoned the Leaf." she practically spat the name out.

Before the other two could ask, Gai decided to fill them in. "Orochimaru is an S-Class missing nin who left after the Fourth Hokage was selected." the jounin decided to be sure he had their attention before continuing. "He was charged with a large number of murder and kidnapping charges, and fled from the Third Hokage, who had taught him, and at the time was trying to arrest him."

Haruko nodded slightly to Gai, glad he had eliminated any confusion her new teamates would have had. "We have been stigmatized and humiliated because of him, and it's my dream to show everyone how strong the Takemori Clan really is, proving we're not defined by one rogue ninja!" by the end she was actually shouting, caught up in her own words and the determination that always followed. Her audience was staring at her in total awe, jaws handing open, causing her to blush glance down as she shuffled from one foot to the other.

Without warning, Gai was back on his feet, his megawatt smile on his lips as he overlooked his genin. "Yosh! I knew I chose wisely when I asked for the three of you!" he seemed to ignore the shocked expressions on their faces at this declaration. "With the three of you working together, I know in the depths of my heart that you will achieve your dreams, and become geniuses of hard work!"

"A what?" chimed Haruko and Naruto at the same time, uniformly blinking in confusion at what had to be the strangest four word combination they ever heard, aside from 'flames of passionate youth'.

Lee and Gai gasped loudly at this apparent lack of knowledge, making the befuddled ninja wince at what was going to be another long winded explanation. "A genius of hard work, my students, is a person that dosen't simply rely on the tricks of their bloodline to help them." he started, his expression surprisingly serious. "You see, people like the Hyuuga think themselves superior because of their innate abilities and intelligence, and are often given the title of being a genius because of them. It is my opinion that such things are merely facets of a true ninja, as useful as ones own hands or a kunai. To work to gain mastery in all of those areas, and not just what you know, will make you a genius of hard work.

"Naruto." he paused to look at the blonde, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Your intention is to prove to everyone your own greatness, and not simply ride on the coattails of your family's name. I can tell you have the fires of youth burning brilliantly inside of you, and I wish to see them fuel your aspirations to becoming Hokage by making you a genius of hard work." he said with a warm smile, silently pleased at the awed expression on the boy's face.

"Haruko." his attention suddenly shifted to the young girl before putting his other hand on her shoulder, ignoring how she tried to shrug him off. "You want nothing more then to bring pride and honor back to your clan. That is a truly admirable ambition, simple, and yet inherently noble in itself. By becoming a genius of hard work, it will define you as your own person and allow others to see beyond the shadow that was cast upon you and your relations." he nodded slightly at her hopeful expression, reassuring her that he truly believed everything he said.

"And who could forget my Lee?" he looked over to his adopted son, unaware of the sweatdrops that formed on the heads of his other students. It seemed the Mini-Gai had started to pout a little at being left out, but now had snapped back to full attention. "You are already on your way to becoming a genius of hard work. You have a drive that is only rivaled by those who are now your teammates. Where you lack in one area, you have made another your personal trademark, and I know it will carry you to the destination you deserve." even Gai was amazed at how calm he remained as he spoke, having managed to use his controlled enthusiasm to leave his rally the three genin behind his beliefs.

Time for the finisher.

He drew his hands from the genin and took a step back, his chest swollen in pride as he pointed his index finger toward the sky, what almost seemed like a sunset appearing behind him. "Trust in your youthful vigor! You are now genin, and when you become geniuses of hard work, you shall be that much closer in achieving your dreams!" he gave the familiar smile of his, the shine brilliance leaving two of the trio more mortified then awed, though the third was awed enough to compensate for the others.

The trio exchanged glances, each of them speechless for various reasons. 

_"I can't believe this is our sensei!" ___

_"I can't believe this..." ___

_"I can't believe this! Fortune smiles upon us this day!"_

"Now, I want you all meeting me tomorrow morning for a special test of your skill and tactical ability. I suggest you all have a hearty breakfast, or else you'll be too exhausted to even impress me." Gai smirked slightly at that, wanting his students at full capacity come the morning. "Until then, let us all take our leave for something to fill our bellies. My treat!" he said with a heart laugh, blissfully unaware of the fox-like smile that was creeping over Naruto's lips.

Rather then roof hop their way to Ichiraku's for ramen, they decided to take a leisurely walk, something more considered more of a opulence then a necessity for those in the ninja profession. When they opened the school doors and stepped outside, they were met with a gaggle of screaming girls, several holding up a large sign that was written in bold kanji. While Naruto was blushing and grinning like an idiot, Haruko decided to actually read the sign out loud.

"Good luck Naruto-kun?" she quirked a black eyebrow and looked over to Naruto, a frown on her face. "This had better not become a habit, Sarutobi." the growl in her tone was obvious, causing the blonde to squawk and try and reassure his team that this wasn't his idea. 

Unfortunately, Gai and Lee were lost in their own little world. "Gai-sensei, it seems I have found a new rival!"

"But I thought Hyuuga Neji was your rival, Lee-kun."

"He is, but that is in battle. Sarutobi Naruto is my rival for the hearts of the young women of Konoha!"

"Then we shall add this to our training! We shall make you a genius of romance as well, even greater then your new rival Naruto!" 

"Yosh! You are so wise, Gai-sensei!"

"Lee-kun…" 

"Gai-sensei!" 

"Lee-kun!" 

"Sensei!" 

"Student!" 

"Father!" 

"Son!" 

This continued for several more verses, followed by 'manly' crying and hugging, but Naruto tried to block it out as he looked at the banner, then to the girls that were glaring at Harko, who was glaring right back, and sighed.

"Maybe I should have waited a year."

_To be continued…_

--------- 

And that's our chapter, my faithful viewers. How was it this time? Did it whiten your whites? Brighten your brights? Reguardless of is capacities for the cleaning industry, I want to thank all the reviewers that have shown their support for my project. I really wouldn't have continued without your posts of approval.

And now, a brand new teaser:

_Next time, on Icha-Icha Inno..I mean..Son of a Monkey: ___

_With a new team comes a new thoughts and feelings. Some of these feelings are warm and fuzzy, like a kitten just out of the dryer. Others are not, like a kitten out of the bathtub. Reguardless, Naruto's missions finally begin. New jutsu are finally revealed, battles are undertaken, and Naruto must face the most daunting challenge to date. Fan Club Meetings. That, and the mission that could take his life. ___

_Naruto gets in touch with his inner demon in our next episode: Spank the Monkey_


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